Welcome to an archive of my 2017 course (originally published on Teachable here) introducing what was once called Curious Experiments – where I taught students to use curiosity as their guide, think like a scientist, and choose their first experiment, set the duration, observe, and begin again after adjusting the variables.
This piece is from the script for video two of my 2017 mini-course, Get Started, Get Going where we explore life’s purpose, letting go of judgment and comparisons, and exploring the what-ifs. Please enjoy my early efforts! I hope this finds those who need it most. See the first installment here: Trust Yourself
You can’t get life “wrong.”
It’s easy to get in our own way when we’re feeling afraid of doing something new or making a big decision. We’re going to clear away a few common obstacles we all face at one point or another when developing our awareness and pursuing life goals. Let’s look at new perspectives, expand what we believe is possible, and let go of limiting beliefs.
Life is all about learning, growing, and accepting what it means to be human. Sometimes I like to ask myself, “What would Joan Jett do?” ANYTHING SHE WANTED TO! Seriously, she made her own rules. You can substitute anyone you want in here – Judge Judy, Nikola Tesla, Morticia Addams. Whoever gives you that go-ahead to delve into your personal power.
Life is short. We start off not knowing anything, and we continue on that way until we’re gone from this earth. As kids, we think we’ll suddenly know everything when we’re adults, but we never quite get there. Our entire life is an experiment – a learning laboratory. Embrace the uncertainty and enjoy the journey! Don’t be afraid to get messy.
If you’re feeling stuck by the idea of living your life’s purpose, I may have some relief for you. It’s natural for people like us, dreamers, healers, and creators, to want to live our life’s purpose, but trying to figure out what that is exactly can also keep us from moving forward and taking action.
We don’t have just one life’s purpose.
Fortunately, life isn’t exact, and you’re not given one assigned purpose. Life’s what you choose to make it! Some of us may be born with a talent or develop a skill that stands out. Others may be good at many things. Even if your best skill is being loving and caring, that is an amazing choice for your life’s purpose.
I suggest that regardless of what you’re good at, you prioritize being loving. You’ve got this one life right now, that I know of – who knows really. Embrace it as if it is the one life you’re going to have. What do you want said at the end of your life – they did a lot of things, or their love was felt by all who knew them?
You create the feeling of purpose when you mentally and emotionally link your actions to something personally meaningful.
If we add meaning to something we’re passionate about, that can be a great life’s purpose. Purpose usually has to do with giving back to the world or serving others. We can have goals or agendas for situations or relationships – but purpose is something deeper. It can even show itself in the smallest of ways.
My passion and purpose is helping people see pain as inevitable and suffering as optional. I seek truth and self-actualization. My purpose is largely driven by the identity crisis that came along with being an orphan, and the constant search for the meaning of love, and how to find some kind of inner peace in all my turmoil. My early life struggles blessed me with deep empathy and resilience, which helps me see life with flexibility and curiosity.
What are your skills and struggles that have shaped your experience?
How do you think you could help others?
I’ve created a few questions for you to explore at the end of this post.
What if I “fail?”
The thought can be so terrifying it paralyzes us. We often feel this sense of impending doom when anxiety hits us.
What if I’m not good enough…
All of us struggle with these types of fears. The truth is – we’re lucky if any of these things happen to us. Discomfort and embarrassment mean we’re alive. Part of life is stuff not turning out how we expected. If everything were predictable, it would hardly be an adventure.
Humans are similar in many ways. No matter how confident someone might appear, they too have self-doubt. You could go on like that forever, clinging to fear, or you can choose to take action anyway. Confidence comes with action, not the other way around.
I wanna tell you a little story about my days as a spelling bee champion – correct that, I could have been a champion, but I was too afraid to feel embarrassed.
If you want to hear my story about how speaking in public and “failing” turned into a triumph of spirit – click on the video below to hear the audio version of this blog post and why my spelling bee champion dream didn’t come true. Warning: there is one “F” bomb.
If you do end up being paralyzed by fear of embarrassment, like I was at the spelling bee, you may have noticed, in my story, there was still an amazing ending. There is no messing life up.
Even if you “fail” or make a choice you feel you regret, you can still choose to learn from the situation. I learned how to put myself out there from the pain of regretting not doing it. There is no messing life up if we get back up and keep growing.
You won’t know “what if” if you don’t experiment.
If you want to know what’s possible, and you want to know how you’ll feel and deal with discomfort and possibly incredible success, you’ve got to put yourself out there and end the worrying and questioning. Find your answers by doing what you want to do.
Try making your “what ifs” into something positive – inspire yourself. Become curious. Accept that good things can and do happen if you’re looking for them. If you’re looking for negative things, you’ll find those too. Everything we can imagine exists in our reality, and we need to adjust our focus to find it.
Choose with intention what you’re seeking. Become action-oriented and start mentally developing the habit of believing in yourself, knowing that it’s possible.
Other people’s opinions are none of your business.
People will always have opinions, judgments, and expectations. Don’t make their problems your problems. Send them loving-kindness and live your life.
When people are applying harsh judgments to your efforts, or to you, see them for what they are – judgments, not truth – especially not your truth.
It’s more about them than it is about you. We see through our own filters, and some folks have pretty muddy filters. That’s ok. We’re all humans functioning from whatever state of awareness we’re in right now.
Don’t spend energy on wondering why people are the way they are – the answer is always “because they can be” and “all things are possible.” You can’t control how other people are. You can only control how you respond to them and how you choose to see the situation.
Wish everyone well – send them love and kindness, feel it in your bones that you wish the best for everyone, and it will change the energy of the situation.
I watched an Oprah interview with Lady Gaga. She said when she’s creating songs, she doesn’t listen to other people’s music. She doesn’t pay attention to the outside world and what they have to say. She spends her energy on creating and tapping into the gifts she has waiting to be born. She develops a state of flow. Tap into you, and let the naysayers naysay.
Cultivate clarity through non-judgment and compassion + set healthy boundaries.
The more you become aware of your tendency to judge, and how it effects your outlook, the more you can see the habit in others. There are no other practices that have changed me and how I see the world more than compassion and non-judgment practice.
When I started my first online business in 2012 for location-independent makers, I felt overwhelmed consistently. I judged everything I did, everything I saw, including myself. I knew that to help people from a place of peacefulness, I needed to let go of defensiveness and grasping and settle into my true self.
Our words and actions shape the energy we bring to life. If we want to attract peace and success, we need to be peaceful and acknowledge our current success first.
Only when we step outside our negative habits can we start to see how they truly effect us. We also start to release their power over us. When others’ negativity comes into our space, we can see it and send it the other way. The people who want to be around us will change as our energy changes. We can spot people with healthy boundaries when we have healthy boundaries, and the same goes for healthy attitudes and habits.
Over time, when you practice applying non-judgment and compassion to yourself and the world, you’ll find you’re able to accept yourself as you are. You’ll be less effected by external judgment. As you become aware of how much judging actually happens in your world, how it feels as it’s happening, and how it changes your presence and choices, you’ll want to replace the habit. Peace and compassion will replace the discomfort of judgment and trying to control and make sense of everything in a habitual way.
Accept yourself as you are. The opposite of judgment is acceptance and understanding that our flaws are human, to fail is human. Relax into yourself.
How would it feel to be free from others’ judgments of you and your own self-critical voice?
Time to Reflect:
We have a choice in each moment to choose love or fear. Love accepts us for who we are, allows room for growth and learning, and gives us a safe place to rest when we’re weary. Fear tells us we aren’t good enough, judges us for failing, and keeps us from making bold choices and connecting with others. When you shift your perception from fear-based to love-centered, you will immediately see a difference in energy and perception.
Here are a few questions to get you shifting into love-mode and seeing life as an experiment meant to be fun and exciting.
What can I learn from this experience?
What can I leave behind because it doesn’t serve me? What am I afraid of?
How can I be gentle and loving with myself in this moment? What do I need right now?
How can I make love my life’s purpose?
When starting off with something new, or taking big risks, we don’t start where we’ll end up. We do what we can, with what we have, and build. We learn and grow as we take action.
Use the following questions to think about how you can take action now with what you have available.
What experience can I draw from?
What special skills do I have?
What resources can I use?
Who do I know?
How much time do I have available?
What cycle of life am I in (regenerating, healing, high energy & focus)?
What is the simplest answer to my current challenge?
What can I do right now that will make the biggest difference?
Young Queens: Three Renaissance Women and the Price of Power by Leah Redmond Chang
My rating: 5 of 5 stars
Young Queens by Leah Redmond Chang is a fascinating and beautifully braided story of the lives of three queens “as complex and flawed human beings, their potential co-existing alongside their faults and frailties.”
“Young Queens follows the interlaced lives of Catherine, Elisabeth and Mary over the course of two decades. Telling their stories as one reveals patterns about women and power that we may miss or discount when assessing any of them in isolation.”
I chose this book as my most recent read due to my interest in verifying the accuracy of some of my favorite TV series and films like Reign (2013–2017), Mary Queen of Scots (2018), and The Serpent Queen (2022). After reading Young Queens, all of these works will require a rewatch.
This book is so fascinating and fun (if you’re a history nerd like me)! I found it every bit as delightful as the elaborate films and series! It’s not easy to write nonfiction that includes well chosen details and paints such a rich picture of history but is also thoroughly entertaining with gorgeous prose and flow. This book, a glass of wine, and a hammock in my backyard made for the perfect summer reading experience.
Whatever aspect of these queens lives is of most intrigue and interest for you personally, it’s in this book. From the perils of travel via carriage to new lands, the complicated issue of trust amongst royals, the gross ignorance of the times of the human body and its functions, the author deftly sorts through details large and small and presents a captivating look at these brave and bold young queens from all angles.
I found it interesting how mental health wasn’t even considered in the 1500s. The behaviors and emotional issues that would have been the result of oppressive patriarchy and the trauma of bodies and lives being currency with very little daily autonomy would be so great, but were often written off as laziness, bad habits, or a symptoms of a physical ailment.
One example of this is an observation of Elizabeth, at age 14, after her marriage to the 34 year old King Phillip, “There were other signs of disorder, hints that Elisabeth’s daily habits were less than healthful. Sometimes Catherine found Elisabeth self-indulgent, ready to ‘take to her bed as soon as she felt the least bit ill’. She neglected to exercise. She had a particular fondness for meat and a bad habit of snacking too much, which Catherine believed brought on the dreaded vomiting. Others in Elisabeth’s circle also noticed these bad habits.”
With limited tools and knowledge, people relied heavily on folk medicine and religion for support. “In the sixteenth century, people believed in the four humours, the medical doctrine preaching that the health of a person depended on the proper balance of four liquids coursing through the body: blood, phlegm, yellow bile and black bile. A mild predominance of any one liquid determined temperament. A person dominated by blood, for example, might be ‘sanguine’ or cheerful. A person tending towards bile might anger easily. A more severe disequilibrium among the humours, however, was the basis of disease.”
What a trip reading Young Queens! I am in awe of the author. I imagined her in libraries, pouring over letters and texts, fully immersed into the lives of these women. This is truly one of my favorite nonfiction reads in a long time. I would definitely recommend to fans of historical nonfiction, Catherine de’ Medici (my favorite), Mary Queens of Scots, and Elizabeth of Valois! My favorite genre is generally fantasy, and this world of queens and kings truly satisfies that craving too.
Clytemnestra by Costanza Casati
My rating: 4 of 5 stars
What I love about Clytemnestra by Costanza Casati:
• I fell in love with the powerful heroine
• I don’t usually like romantic moments in books/movies, but the few that are here are poetic, rich with sensory detail and a refreshing juxtaposition to the violence of daily life in ancient Greek mythology
• The details and dialogue illuminate beliefs and traditions that built these complex mythologies
• This book was quick read that I thoroughly enjoyed, and I also learned about a subject that can be somewhat inaccessible without a skilled guide
• Beach book for feminist smarties, dark academia/Classics vibes that remind me toppling the patriarchy is a daily task
Throughout the politics and power struggles were gorgeous descriptions of daily life, romance, terrible tragedy, and inner struggles amongst the Greeks. Detail and dialogue pulled me into the characters complex existence.
When she turns to him, he is staring at her, motionless. He has the stillness of animals about him. She wants to lean forward and trace the scar on his cheekbone. The desire is so strong that she can almost feel it under her finger—it is like a crumpled leaf. “My queen,” he says. Nothing else. The morning sun falls on his olive skin, makes his eyes glisten like snow in the sunlight. She is breathless, and she can’t bear it. She picks up her dagger and walks away.
Clytemnestra herself is someone who was raised to be a fierce warrior (which Spartans had a very specific definition of, but she was a warrior in every senses of the word), and yet she still had to suffer through patriarchal oppression and violence. Her power didn’t save her from being a pawn, sacrificed by her own family. In ways, she fought against the inequality inflicted upon her, but she did not escape its effect on her worldview and self-image. When a man discussed his failings with her for the purpose of connection and intimacy, she was disgusted by his vulnerability.
“It shocks her, when he speaks of his failings and weaknesses. The only other men she has known to do that were Tantalus and Odysseus, but they would do it in a way that asserted their power. They spoke of their mistakes to achieve something, to soften and bend the world to their will. That was what Tantalus had done to win her over. Aegisthus doesn’t speak of his failures to gain a reward. His purposelessness appalls her.”
Because Clytemnestra held all of the qualities of a great leader, within the paradigms which she was born, she saw vulnerability as a poor choice, a lack of skill, weakness. It was a necessity to keep iron walls around one’s tender spots, and she showed us how this was done again and again. There are plentiful insights throughout the story that give the reader a deeper sense of the world and struggles in which the characters live.
“It is noble to be gentle, to save others from pain. But it is also dangerous. Sometimes you have to make life difficult for others before they make it impossible for you.”
“Your hatred consumes you,” Castor says gently. “But it also keeps you alive.”
Clytemnestra stops pacing. She can’t help smiling. “You say you don’t understand politics, Aileen, but you understand people. They are one and the same.”
If I were to change the novel, it would be to add more scenes in different locations, additional insights into the development of various relationships, and filling in the jump in time between Clytemnestra leaving her home of Sparta and becoming the captured wife of a tyrant. I wanted to see more of what was happening in detail in other characters lives at times. I wanted to travel to other locations and meet more magical enemies, but the story centered mostly on Clytemnestra’s home bases. I’m sure this is following the actual origins of her story, but I found myself wishing for more, more, more.
I absolutely recommend this book to lovers of retellings of Greek and Roman mythology, fans of dark academia (afterall, I always imagine myself studying the Classics while reading The Secret History), and readers who enjoys beautiful, descriptive writing.
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Rainbow Rainbow by Lydia Conklin
My rating: 5 of 5 stars
Truly brilliant, honest, queer stories told without judgment of the idiosyncrasies and paradoxes of the human experience. Rainbow, Rainbow by Lydia Conklin takes us inside queer and trans characters’ minds with raw awareness. It took a few chapters for me to adjust to the white-hot honesty, but I settled into a tempo of gratitude for these truths. They were like a map to some of my own memories of adolescence, past relationships, perceived mistakes or contradictions, and the shadowed aspects of all humanity.
It can feel disturbing to read about life’s most undiscussed internal battles and societal issues, and that’s exactly why this book left me contemplating the vital importance of bearing the discomfort of painful truths so we can see with clear and open eyes what’s essential for our growth. Maybe if we dared to be this honest and open with one another in day-to-day life, we could heal wounds and lessen the transmission of unhealed pain from person to person through every aspect of our societies.
Each essay helps us see through another’s eyes what it means to navigate bodies, identities, relationships, needs, and desires all while constantly evolving and changing within and without. Most stories want to promise us some kind of certainty. I know who I am, this story will show you my struggle and my resolution – that’s what we commonly see, but it’s not how we actually function. Rainbow, Rainbow flows more like real life. There aren’t neat resolutions or comforting moral lessons. It is raw, true, often ugly, not precious but sacred because we are so used to seeking inspiration in ideals and washing our hands clean by denying the messiness that is the human experience.
I would recommend this book to lovers of creative nonfiction and memoir, LGBTQIA+ readers, and fans of authors like Melissa Febos and Carmen Maria Machado.
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Juniper & Thorn by Ava Reid
My rating: 4 of 5 stars
At first, I rated this book a three, but after letting my review marinate and re-reading sections of the novel, its brilliance really deserves a four. This book really is magnificent in many ways. The prose is gorgeous, real-life effects of trauma are woven into classic fairy tale architecture making the story inescapably disturbing. Grimm’s fairy tales always made me want to hide under the covers as a child, but Ava Reid gave new life to those dark themes making them more present, real, and emotionally compelling, but at times just too much to bear.
When I started reading the book, I was immediately pulled in by its elegance and poignance, intrigued by the story, captivated by the magic and monsters, but the intensity of the abuse at Marlinchen’s home, and one particular scene which I will never read again, made all of the things I loved about the book slip into the background. I felt betrayed in a sense.
One scene, one character, made me originally give this book a lower rating. I didn’t expect such a scene in a fantasy/fairy tale novel, no matter how dark. When I read it, I felt myself go numb. I was reading in bed and woke my husband up to tell him what I read so I could process it. I put the book down for several weeks. While there is a trigger warning here on Goodreads, I didn’t see it until after reading the book. The scene and the character could be removed entirely and the book would not be less for it in any way, and I would have been free to entirely cherish this skillful interpretation of The Juniper Tree.
After a few weeks of letting the book sit, and with apprehension, I returned to the story so I could finish and review it. I was again taken into this world and wrapped up in its dark, painful, and achingly beautiful tale. I found myself invested in every character (all but one, as mentioned above), even the monsters.
Trauma is the backbone of this story. It ties all of the characters together. Even the main romantic relationship seems to be a trauma bond built on the need to escape and to find belonging. I find this interesting because it’s something classic Grimm fairy tales didn’t flesh out. They were dark and disturbing, but Juniper & Thorn takes this to the next level by showing the symptoms and consequences of trauma in the characters’ lives. I can only imagine writing this novel was both cathartic and emotionally exhausting.
If one scene were removed, I would recommend this book to those who love very dark fairy tales and witchy fantasy, main characters who unfold and discover themselves before your eyes, and rich prose that pulls you through each page to the next. As it is though, I found the novel to be too triggering to recommend widely. I don’t regret reading it, but I do regret not checking Goodreads prior for the trigger warning.
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Spells for Forgetting by Adrienne Young
My rating: 3 of 5 stars
Spells for Forgetting by Adrienne Young is an atmospheric tale of an island and the core families that have a lifelong bond with the land. It’s a tale of magic, romance, mystery, legacy, and murder set on a small island in the state of Washington.
The descriptions of Saiorse island were detailed and haunting, full of mystery and the potential for drama. I could feel the slow pace and secretive nature of life on the island.
I loved the way the chapters went from the present moment to the past, giving us a nice reveal of certain information. Reading chapters from different characters’ perspectives worked well in weaving the most important people into the story. The framework of the story was solid, but I felt it needed more character development, more show less tell, more magic, and more at stake.
The island is a character in itself, but I don’t know its motivations. Does it have a symbiotic or parasitic relationship with the people? I have so many questions about this aspect of the story, but they’d be spoilers. It felt like a major part of the novel was missing and I didn’t know how to feel about the main themes or the characters without knowing more about the island itself.
I didn’t fully know many of the characters’ motivations and found it difficult to feel for them because their actions didn’t always make sense. One example, the person on the island who was the main antagonist wasn’t creepy, intimidating, or conniving enough in action. We’re told they are, but not really shown it. I needed that character to be more dynamic for a core piece of the plot to come together. I couldn’t really picture what any of the characters looked like completely, nor did they have very complex personalities. I didn’t feel emotionally connected to them. The main romance felt lacking in emotion to me. It was stated strong emotions were felt by the characters, but I need to feel it when reading. This is an early copy of the novel, so if these things are further developed, I could see myself absolutely loving this book.
I was expecting a lot more magic and much sooner. I didn’t truly become interested in the story until 30% into the book. The storyline I was most drawn into let me down in the end with a conclusion that felt abrupt and unsatisfying.
Overall, I did enjoy this book because the prose is lovely and the plot has so much potential. I would definitely pick up a sequel if there were to be one. The setting and the magic of the island were my favorite aspects. If the characters were more developed, the story’s momentum picked up sooner, more magic was included, and we were shown instead of told a number of the details, I think I’d be swept away by this dark, romantic tale.
I would recommend this book. I found it a quick, enjoyable read, and I love the author. I would read anything by her and find it entertaining. I think Adrienne has a solid fanbase and all of her current fans would enjoy reading this.
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