Think Like a Scientist: How to Develop an Experimental Mindset

Think Like a Scientist: How to Develop an Experimental Mindset

 Welcome to an archive of my 2016/2017 course (originally published on Teachable here), introducing what was once called Curious Experiments with the Semi-Scientific Method – where I taught students to use curiosity as their guide, think like a scientist, and choose their first experiment, set the duration, observe, and begin again after adjusting the variables.

This piece is from the script for video three, where we get into what it looks like to think like a scientist. Please enjoy my early efforts! See the first installment here: Trust Yourself and the second installment here: Life’s Purpose

Now let’s delve into the power of choosing what perspective we see challenges from, and get to brainstorming our next life experiment. What does it mean to think like a scientist?

Choose fun & curiosity over fear.

When you choose to see life as an experiment, your perspective changes from having set expectations and rigid definitions of success to a lens of discovery and interest where you’re excited to find out what’s possible.

Instead of feeling afraid of what might happen – choose to focus on the positive things that could happen.

Better yet – start doing whatever your brain’s been tossin’ around and you won’t have to imagine the outcomes – you’ll be learning and enjoying by bringing your thoughts into action – or going from passive to active.

 

tiny experiments

Thinking of life as a series of experiments, where we aren’t sure of the outcome, and that’s Ok, relieves some of the pressure of “getting things right.”

In scientific experiments, we start with a hypothesis, an idea that we want to prove wrong. Anyone can look for evidence to prove themselves right and find it. It’s only when we are willing to and desiring to find out where our ideas can be expanded that we stay curious and receptive to the world.

 

Connecting to your loving center is the biggest achievement possible.

Back up from your projects and interests. Take a look at life from the perspective of your higher goals. Isn’t your real goal related to taking in all life has to offer, to give and receive love, to connect with other energies, or with your deeper purpose?

You are constantly being presented with the opportunity to fulfill those goals, with each decision, with each encounter, you can choose loving over fear. There’s no failing at this either, because each flex of your heart muscle makes you stronger.

Remember your higher goals, and feel the satisfaction of knowing you can always set out to live your values and achieve life goals, even when your project-oriented goals might not turn out like you imagined. Stay curious, enjoy the journey, and keep your eyes open for gifts in disguise.

QUESTION:

Here’s another question I want you let go through you:

How would it feel to try things out without the pressure of getting things right or being perfect?

tiny experiments

Start where you are with what you have & take action.

After studying theatre arts in school, Amanda Palmer started her career as a street busker. She created a silent statue character called the 8-foot-tall bride. She knew what she loved doing, and put herself out there in a way that didn’t require many resources beyond her own talent and skills and the courage to be vulnerable.

Amanda kept following her inspiration, making new connections with other artists, and eventually evolved into who she is today, and she’ll keep evolving. This is a great example of starting where you are with what you have and taking action.

 

Release your expectations of who you should be, what you should do, or what might come of your actions, and relax into actually being and doing.

Notice the difference between how it feels to be in the passive state of “thinking about doing something” and the active state of actually doing the thing. What are you thinking about during both of those states of being? How do they feel? Where do you feel compelled to keep moving and where do you feel stuck in molasses?

 

 

It’s fine to start off generally, with the basics, and become a master of the fine arts later.

Let’s say you want to build a business – think about what you already know how to do.

  • What skills and interests do you have?
  • What tools you possess?
  • What resources can you tap into?

Start there. Don’t look at those folks who are beyond where you’re at and think you have to start where they are. Nope, that’s not where they started.

Stop comparing, and start creating.

Do you really want to keep telling yourself you’ll be ready after you’ve taken one more class or lost 5 more pounds? No way, babe. I wanna see what you got right now.

You can take the class too, but it’s not a substitute for getting yourself out there and testing the waters. Wherever you’re at, you can take action. Soon, you’ll be 10x further than when you started, and starting with what you have will look totally different at that point.

Drop your walls and get vulnerable here. Show me that messy good stuff – that beauty and brilliance you’ve been hiding away. I see you.

tiny experiments

Consider what cycle of life you’re in right now.

If you’re in breakdown and healing mode, you’ll choose a different topic than if you’re in a more energetic mode. Being productive can mean many things. I’ve dealt with depression and anxiety since I was a child. There are weeks at a time when I just can’t put myself out there in the world. I have systems in place for when I require periods of regeneration and healing.

Health and well-being is always a top priority. I’m a top priority. Without me, this train ain’t going nowhere.

Even when we’re not tending to a big to-do list, we’re being productive. Emotional work is real work. Caring for ourselves and our families is real work. Being productive might mean healing; you might be in a cocoon. Being productive can look like being there for a friend. Our world wouldn’t exist without these types of labor.

Honor where you’re at in life. If you already have a full plate of projects, you may want to choose a less time-consuming topic to experiment with this time, or choose something you’re already working on. Use this process to bring it into focus and examine it from a new perspective.

We have a tendency to view work as activities we’re paid for, but anything that takes focus, time, and energy is work. Acknowledge all the work you do every day – even when the pay is personal growth, healing, or love, instead of money. The more you honor all parts and pieces of you, the more energy you have to put into the world.

Wherever you’re at is just right!

One of the MOST important things about feeling confident and moving forward is radical acceptance. Accepting who you are, where you are, and the challenges you have, and just leaning in – not resisting it. Radically accepting what exists and wrapping it all in a blanket of compassion.

Don’t feel bad if you’ve been hard on yourself – it’s human to be self-critical. Everything you’ve been experiencing, and will experience, it’s all human. You’re never alone.

Tiny Experiments

Transform thought into action.

See what’s possible. What happens when you take actions on your thoughts and dreams will far exceed anything you could imagine.

Are you excited? GET EXCITED! There’s so much possibility.

Brainstorm Preparation

This is where some of us get caught up. How do we know what we should do next?

What’s most important?

What will I enjoy?

What will bring me the results I’m looking for?

The answer to all of these questions is try it and see. It’s your life – you’re blazing your own path here. You can learn from others’ stories of how they did it, you can study the greats and absorb a breadth of knowledge about your interests, but to really push through to the next level of being requires you to live and take risks.

I want you to brainstorm a list of things you might want to do as an experiment right now. It could be a personal development project you’ve been thinking about, maybe you want to cultivate a state of compassion or non-judgment.

If you’re not sure where you want to start – I’ve created a list of inquiries to help you find clarity on what you want and where you’re at. Self-inquiry is a habit that requires tending. It’s the best way to reveal what makes us tick.

Use these questions anytime you want to reset your priorities.

  • What are you current priorities in life/love/work?
  • What are your biggest challenges?
  • What do you feel is holding you back?
  • What are you curious about?
  • How is your energy?
  • What could you do to increase your energy?
  • What’s on your plate right now? Include emotional labor and caregiving. What can you give up to make room for what you want?
  • What do you want?

Your list might be full of big, bold choices. Maybe you already have a plate full of courageous things you’re doing, and you chose to do something easy and light like I did. Either way – you’re getting in touch with your own needs and desires. You’re making the choice to do what’s best for you.

Let’s take a look at the example worksheet I filled out for you.

remarkable curious template

Step 8. Choose your first experiment!

Now look at your brainstorm list of topics and choose 3-4 you might want to experiment with right now.

Don’t let this step hold you back. You can always choose another thing to explore after you give this topic a whirl for whatever specified period of time you choose. Choose quickly and flow on.

Take the topics you have remaining and put them in a list in order of priority. Take these topics and put them in order of priority. Think about what your goal is here. Do you want more fun in your life, are you expanding your business, developing new habits or characteristics.

ACTION RECAP

We brainstormed a list of options for a life experiment, narrowed it down, prioritized the list, and chose one topic to focus on for a specified period of time.

 

CONGRATULATIONS!! How do you feel?

You’ve completed this minicourse now. How does it feel? Are you excited to move forward with your experiment? Do you feel more confident, more at ease in your own skin? I’d love to know how you’re feeling and what you’ll be doing next.

Remember, this is a journey. We aren’t waiting to achieve something, or be something, to decide we’re happy or worthy. How you see your life now, will be how you see your life when you achieve anything. So focus energy on letting go of expectations of how you should be, or how life should be, and appreciate this moment.

We all have pain, loneliness, shame, heartaches, and loss. These experiences are part of our journey. We never get “lost” on our journey. Sometimes we hike off the path to explore caverns and tunnels. They can be dark places where our fears hide.  These too are productive times on our journey.

 

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Life Experiments with the Semi-Scientific Method,

subscribe to my Substack below, or visit TruthBeautyMeaning.com. 

Ellabirt.com is an archive of my original content and frameworks. Today, you'll find me conducting experiments and exploring what it means to be a self-actualizing human at TruthBeautyMeaning.com.

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We Don’t Have Just One Life’s Purpose

We Don’t Have Just One Life’s Purpose

Welcome to an archive of my 2017 course (originally published on Teachable here) introducing what was once called Curious Experiments – where I taught students to use curiosity as their guide, think like a scientist, and choose their first experiment, set the duration, observe, and begin again after adjusting the variables.

This piece is from the script for video two of my 2017 mini-course, Get Started, Get Going where we explore life’s purpose, letting go of judgment and comparisons, and exploring the what-ifs. Please enjoy my early efforts! I hope this finds those who need it most. See the first installment here: Trust Yourself

You can’t get life “wrong.”

It’s easy to get in our own way when we’re feeling afraid of doing something new or making a big decision. We’re going to clear away a few common obstacles we all face at one point or another when developing our awareness and pursuing life goals. Let’s look at new perspectives, expand what we believe is possible, and let go of limiting beliefs.

Life is all about learning, growing, and accepting what it means to be human. Sometimes I like to ask myself, “What would Joan Jett do?” ANYTHING SHE WANTED TO! Seriously, she made her own rules. You can substitute anyone you want in here – Judge Judy, Nikola Tesla, Morticia Addams. Whoever gives you that go-ahead to delve into your personal power.

Life is short. We start off not knowing anything, and we continue on that way until we’re gone from this earth. As kids, we think we’ll suddenly know everything when we’re adults, but we never quite get there. Our entire life is an experiment – a learning laboratory. Embrace the uncertainty and enjoy the journey! Don’t be afraid to get messy.

If you’re feeling stuck by the idea of living your life’s purpose, I may have some relief for you. It’s natural for people like us, dreamers, healers, and creators, to want to live our life’s purpose, but trying to figure out what that is exactly can also keep us from moving forward and taking action.

We don’t have just one life’s purpose.

Fortunately, life isn’t exact, and you’re not given one assigned purpose. Life’s what you choose to make it! Some of us may be born with a talent or develop a skill that stands out. Others may be good at many things. Even if your best skill is being loving and caring, that is an amazing choice for your life’s purpose.

I suggest that regardless of what you’re good at, you prioritize being loving. You’ve got this one life right now, that I know of – who knows really. Embrace it as if it is the one life you’re going to have. What do you want said at the end of your life – they did a lot of things, or their love was felt by all who knew them?

You create the feeling of purpose when you mentally and emotionally link your actions to something personally meaningful.

tiny experiments

If we add meaning to something we’re passionate about, that can be a great life’s purpose. Purpose usually has to do with giving back to the world or serving others. We can have goals or agendas for situations or relationships – but purpose is something deeper. It can even show itself in the smallest of ways.

My passion and purpose is helping people see pain as inevitable and suffering as optional. I seek truth and self-actualization. My purpose is largely driven by the identity crisis that came along with being an orphan, and the constant search for the meaning of love, and how to find some kind of inner peace in all my turmoil. My early life struggles blessed me with deep empathy and resilience, which helps me see life with flexibility and curiosity.

What are your skills and struggles that have shaped your experience?

How do you think you could help others?

I’ve created a few questions for you to explore at the end of this post.

What if I “fail?”

The thought can be so terrifying it paralyzes us. We often feel this sense of impending doom when anxiety hits us.

self doubt

What if I’m not good enough…

All of us struggle with these types of fears. The truth is – we’re lucky if any of these things happen to us. Discomfort and embarrassment mean we’re alive. Part of life is stuff not turning out how we expected. If everything were predictable, it would hardly be an adventure.

Humans are similar in many ways. No matter how confident someone might appear, they too have self-doubt. You could go on like that forever, clinging to fear, or you can choose to take action anyway. Confidence comes with action, not the other way around.

I wanna tell you a little story about my days as a spelling bee champion – correct that, I could have been a champion, but I was too afraid to feel embarrassed.

If you want to hear my story about how speaking in public and “failing” turned into a triumph of spirit – click on the video below to hear the audio version of this blog post and why my spelling bee champion dream didn’t come true. Warning: there is one “F” bomb.

If you do end up being paralyzed by fear of embarrassment, like I was at the spelling bee, you may have noticed, in my story, there was still an amazing ending. There is no messing life up.

Even if you “fail” or make a choice you feel you regret, you can still choose to learn from the situation. I learned how to put myself out there from the pain of regretting not doing it. There is no messing life up if we get back up and keep growing.

You won’t know “what if” if you don’t experiment.

If you want to know what’s possible, and you want to know how you’ll feel and deal with discomfort and possibly incredible success, you’ve got to put yourself out there and end the worrying and questioning. Find your answers by doing what you want to do.

Try making your “what ifs” into something positive – inspire yourself. Become curious. Accept that good things can and do happen if you’re looking for them. If you’re looking for negative things, you’ll find those too. Everything we can imagine exists in our reality, and we need to adjust our focus to find it.

Choose with intention what you’re seeking. Become action-oriented and start mentally developing the habit of believing in yourself, knowing that it’s possible.

Other people’s opinions are none of your business.

experimental leader

People will always have opinions, judgments, and expectations. Don’t make their problems your problems. Send them loving-kindness and live your life.

When people are applying harsh judgments to your efforts, or to you, see them for what they are – judgments, not truth – especially not your truth.

It’s more about them than it is about you. We see through our own filters, and some folks have pretty muddy filters. That’s ok. We’re all humans functioning from whatever state of awareness we’re in right now.

Don’t spend energy on wondering why people are the way they are – the answer is always “because they can be” and “all things are possible.” You can’t control how other people are. You can only control how you respond to them and how you choose to see the situation.

Wish everyone well – send them love and kindness, feel it in your bones that you wish the best for everyone, and it will change the energy of the situation.

I watched an Oprah interview with Lady Gaga. She said when she’s creating songs, she doesn’t listen to other people’s music. She doesn’t pay attention to the outside world and what they have to say. She spends her energy on creating and tapping into the gifts she has waiting to be born. She develops a state of flow. Tap into you, and let the naysayers naysay.

Cultivate clarity through non-judgment and compassion + set healthy boundaries.

The more you become aware of your tendency to judge, and how it effects your outlook, the more you can see the habit in others. There are no other practices that have changed me and how I see the world more than compassion and non-judgment practice.

When I started my first online business in 2012 for location-independent makers, I felt overwhelmed consistently. I judged everything I did, everything I saw, including myself. I knew that to help people from a place of peacefulness, I needed to let go of defensiveness and grasping and settle into my true self.

Our words and actions shape the energy we bring to life. If we want to attract peace and success, we need to be peaceful and acknowledge our current success first.

Only when we step outside our negative habits can we start to see how they truly effect us. We also start to release their power over us. When others’ negativity comes into our space, we can see it and send it the other way. The people who want to be around us will change as our energy changes. We can spot people with healthy boundaries when we have healthy boundaries, and the same goes for healthy attitudes and habits.

life's purpose

Over time, when you practice applying non-judgment and compassion to yourself and the world, you’ll find you’re able to accept yourself as you are. You’ll be less effected by external judgment. As you become aware of how much judging actually happens in your world, how it feels as it’s happening, and how it changes your presence and choices, you’ll want to replace the habit. Peace and compassion will replace the discomfort of judgment and trying to control and make sense of everything in a habitual way.

Accept yourself as you are. The opposite of judgment is acceptance and understanding that our flaws are human, to fail is human. Relax into yourself.

How would it feel to be free from others’ judgments of you and your own self-critical voice?

Time to Reflect:

We have a choice in each moment to choose love or fear. Love accepts us for who we are, allows room for growth and learning, and gives us a safe place to rest when we’re weary. Fear tells us we aren’t good enough, judges us for failing, and keeps us from making bold choices and connecting with others. When you shift your perception from fear-based to love-centered, you will immediately see a difference in energy and perception.

Here are a few questions to get you shifting into love-mode and seeing life as an experiment meant to be fun and exciting.

What can I learn from this experience?

What can I leave behind because it doesn’t serve me? What am I afraid of?

How can I be gentle and loving with myself in this moment? What do I need right now?

How can I make love my life’s purpose? 

When starting off with something new, or taking big risks, we don’t start where we’ll end up. We do what we can, with what we have, and build. We learn and grow as we take action.

Use the following questions to think about how you can take action now with what you have available.

What experience can I draw from?

What special skills do I have?

What resources can I use?

Who do I know?

How much time do I have available?

What cycle of life am I in (regenerating, healing, high energy & focus)?

What is the simplest answer to my current challenge?

What can I do right now that will make the biggest difference?

Trust Yourself: Build Confidence by Taking Action

Trust Yourself: Build Confidence by Taking Action

Welcome to an archive of my 2017 course introducing what was once called Curious Experiments – where I taught students to use curiosity as their guide, think like a scientist, and choose their first experiment, set the duration, observe, and begin again after adjusting the variables. This piece is from the script for video one of my 2017 mini-course, Get Started, Get Going. Please enjoy, and I hope this finds those who need it most. 

We all struggle with feeling confident, making big decisions, and fearing what might happen if we fail. We all experience doubt, shame, and resistance. Learning to trust yourself is essential. 

Stop struggling in emotional quicksand. Let go of resisting and trying to control everything. Accept what is with love and compassion. Lean in. Work with what ya got!

The Get Started, Get Going! mini-course was created to help you develop the emotional habits and courageousness needed to take chances and make big decisions. If the exercises in this course are done repeatedly, your perspectives on life and approach to taking chances will transform.

Making decisions with confidence and clarity will save you time and energy and help you develop trust in your own abilities.

 

Developing the Experimental Mindset

You and I both know that making big decisions can come with a landslide of doubt and negative self-talk. On top of our own emotional challenges related to moving forward into the unknown, we may also have to deal with not-so-supportive external forces in our lives.

To make big choices, and take on new challenges with excitement, energy, and confidence, we need to plant our roots in mindful thinking and understand how an experimental mindset changes how we manage time and make decisions.

When we learn to be our own best support system, we can build momentum and flow through consistent action and mindful support systems. Integrating the beliefs and practices we’re about to discuss into your daily life will help you feel more peaceful, powerful, and optimistic.

experimental mindset

Let’s step into healthy habits and mindsets together with these seven steps meant to take you from doubt and uncertainty to feeling at ease making courageous decisions and feeling excited about possibilities!

1. Establish supportive habits & an experimental mindset.

 

Give yourself unconditional love.

Behind every hesitation, procrastination, or mental flogging we give ourselves, there’s this aching feeling that we’re not enough. You’re not alone in this. Whether you achieve the big task or not, whether your relationship is going great or not, you gotta love you. No one else can tell you what you deserve – you’ve got to believe it, feel it, know it. You deserve LOVE – and you can’t demand it from outside of you. You are your own best source of unconditional love – love that depends on no achievement.

To some of us, loving ourselves sounds easy. Others of us feel shame even hearing the phrase – “love yourself,” and dish out more punishment for being perfectly loving. It’s a lifetime process that requires daily nurturing.

My mantra for remembering this in tough times is: Be Gentle – You’re already right where you need to be.

 

how to define success

Ditch perfectionism.

Perfectionism can be deeply rooted in our belief that nothing we do will ever be good enough. Ditching this belief takes a commitment to shipping your work, as Seth Godin says.

Committing to the practice of taking consistent action can turn nagging perfectionism into fading background noise. Focus on quality and care, not perfection. Do your best, which is likely pretty amazing, but know when good enough is good enough. Release those fears of being vulnerable, and put yourself out there.

Hang out with others who get things done. They know that you learn more from doing than from thinking about doing. You’ll also notice – they’ve got insecurities too, but they’ve embraced taking action anyway.

Embrace uncertainty.

One things for sure, nothing is certain and everything changes. Life is a trial-and-error thing, an experiment. We’re meant to learn from our mistakes. This can be nerve-wracking for our inner over-controller.

I’m going to ask you to go swimming in the uncertainty and overwhelm for a second:

Let yourself be pulled under by the tide.

Your muscles start to tense, your thoughts start to race with choices, instead of

resisting, lean into it.

Let it happen and then suddenly… let go of trying to control everything.

Release your fears into the water.

Like you’re swimming with all your effort and suddenly you roll over and just float.

You’re in an ocean of possibilities – not trying to fight the tide, just going with the flow.

Trust that what you need will come to you, if you just keep making one choice at a time – not getting stuck in the past, or caught up in the future.

Do one thing at a time, let go of control over what might happen,

and respond to what is happening with curiosity. 

 

 

Experience the audio version of this visualization and blog post here: 

Be rested, calm and free of unnecessary chemicals.

Years ago, I was a party girl. It started in high school and went through various phases of intensity throughout my adolescence and young adult life. I partied all summer and put myself through college while working full-time the other seasons. I bet you can guess which part of the year I struggled to make intuitive and loving decisions.

Even today, while I’m mellow and take much better care of me – I still find myself struggling to manage caffeine intake, anxiety, and getting enough sleep. I know when those times come – I need to do the things on my to-do lists that require less intense decision-making and effort. I also do things to bring about more balance in my system. Daily meditation, drinking lots of water, and replacing caffeine with herbal teas tends to the do the trick on all accounts.

Take care of your physical self. Your frontal cortex is responsible for decision making, and lack of sleep, introduction of certain chemicals and stress all cause activity in that area to move to your amygdala, where you’re functioning in fight or flight mode. Decisions made in that mode will be more defensive or reactionary. It’s no wonder it feels tough getting through the day when you’re stressed out or tired.

2. Accept decision-making as a power, not something to fear.

Momentum = Flow State

Automating processes and habits makes it possible to get into a state of flow. Everything comes more easily when we move from one thing to the next without too much hesitation or worry – we build momentum – like in the formula by Isaac Newton an object in motion stays in motion. When we’re in a state of flow, we notice more synchronicity and connection, ideas come to us like little explosions, and bold decision-making becomes second nature.

Confidence = Trust in Yourself

I often use my Osho Zen Tarot cards for deep inspiration. I’m going to use them here to unfold the essential role trust plays in confidence.

Our minds are meant to be tools, but they often become our Master. The mind is typically full of a non-stop stream of thoughts, fears, judgment, and feelings. The pressure can easily become overwhelming and confusing making it seem impossible to feel confident.

Letting go of believing your busy mind is actually in control of what happens outside you is a free fall into Trust. Your feelings of anxiety, doubt, and unworthiness can just be let go of. You have the option of not believing those thoughts and instead trusting in yourself – trusting that you can respond to, and grow from, anything that happens in life. Whatever will be, will be.

Even the life we have now is a temporary gift. We have nothing to control or grasp onto. We have only love to give. Let go of control and believing your thoughts are reality. Trust that in each moment we can choose how we respond. We can care for ourselves regardless of what happens outside of us, and all that happens is an opportunity to expand our lovingness and connection.

experimental mindset

Experiment + Learn = Curiosity > Fear

Thinking of life as an experiment where our only objective is to become more aware, or learn and grow will make our curiosity stronger than our fear. This is a really big perspective shift for some of us. We can let go of much of the pressure we put on ourselves if we look at things with the open eyes and heart of a child – eager to learn and excited to experience.

We often see things as either wins or losses – we judge our performance and let it mean something about who we are. A failure to get the result we expect could feel like a big loss, but with a little twist of how we see things, we could see failure as a triumph. We TRIED, we learned something about how we work. We gain knowledge and wisdom from experience – regardless of the outcome.

TAKE ACTION:

You’re Building a Relationship with Yourself

When we repeatedly bring awareness to our feelings and self-talk, we begin to heal the most important relationship we have – relationship to self.

As we learn to tend to our emotional habits with compassion, what we think is possible becomes expansive. Knowing and trusting ourselves deeply amplifies intuition and makes confident decision-making easier.

We make thousands of decisions each day. Bringing awareness to what we already do can give us confidence immediately. Think about the decisions you already make each day. When to wake up, what to eat, what to say and do – you’re already a PRO at this. Now I want you to apply your skills daily to BOLD decisions.

Do something you’ve been wanting to do. Call someone you’ve been wanting to call. Decide on a new haircut. Try thinking or acting in a new way today. Adopt an attitude you want to wear and wear it confidently. These types of decisions truly build confidence and are a way of taking action and living powerfully in the world.

You’re Creating a New Version of Yourself, Right Now

We’re always learning, and either building walls or tearing them down. For this course, we’ll explore both the destruction and building phases of our habitual lives. We’ll ask ourselves, “Does this serve me still, like it did then?” – both honoring our own wisdom and evaluating the variables of our life, choosing how we adjust this beautiful experiment we have going.

Gentle Reminder: No matter what you do, or who you are, if you choose to do everything from a place of love, it’s going to go a lot better for you and everyone else. You can create from a space that isn’t love, but it feels totally different. How you do one thing is how you do everything.

Time to Reflect:

I suggest writing out responses to these inquiries in your favorite notebook or journal (digital or paper).  

In preparation for our next lesson, we’re going to reflect on our own motivations, what drives us and gives us meaning.

Preview of Lesson 2: Life’s Purpose

Humans love feeling a sense of purpose. Some of us are more existential than others, and connecting meaning to existence is a passion and necessity.

Reflect on the questions below. If you’re a person who desires deeper meaning in day-to-day life, these questions can help you find it in places you may not have explored.

What do you value?

What are your special skills?

What are you passionate about?

What topics do you find yourself talking about over and over again? What’s most

important to you?

What events have most transformed your sense of who you are?

How can you incorporate your values and passions into your daily life?

 

12 Tips to Overcome Perfectionism for Writers

12 Tips to Overcome Perfectionism for Writers

I’m embarrassed to share this, but I have 65K words in a Scrivener database and 80 unseen blog post drafts collecting dust in WordPress. If I want to overcome perfection and finally hit “publish,” then I’ve got some work to do.

Hiding is painful, yet reasonable excuses are endless. If we don’t challenge these reasons for hoarding our creativity, we might end up buried alive in manuscripts and brilliant but fading pages.

Overcome Perfectionism and Writer’s Block

To free the mind and body of the constriction perfectionism places on them, we must create movement and flow. Let’s dig into these actionable tips and resources and overcome perfectionism together.

1. Change How You See Your Inner Critic

What if you could push that inner critic down so far back into the shadows she’d find those single lost socks you haven’t seen since 2011? Maybe that’s what causes writer’s block. You successfully strangle the inner enemy and the unexpected side effect is the silencing of creativity.

What if your inner critic wasn’t your enemy at all? What if a little love and compassion could make that critical voice softer and more secure? 

When we seek to numb or quash the parts of ourselves we aren’t so keen on, we also suffocate the brilliant and joyous aspects. To overcome perfectionism and produce work we can feel happy with, we must give the inner critic a good dose of compassion and change how we respond to tough emotions. 

perfectionism writing

Find out more about healing your inner critic…

2. Address Imposter Syndrome by Dancing the 2-Step

In the podcast The Long and the Short of It, Pete Sheppard suggests using the Imposter Two-Step to get past the ubiquitous Imposter Syndrome.

Step 1 – Ask yourself what the critical voice is saying. Step 2 – Respond to that inner voice with your truth.

Don’t let those thoughts take up space without addressing them. Sometimes confronting these doubts head-on is just what’s needed to diminish their power over your choices. I highly recommend listening to the linked podcast episode on this topic.

3. Know Your Value is Not Dependent on Achievement and Mastery Requires Practice

Intellectually, we can be aware that worth isn’t dependent on what one accomplishes, but the subconscious mind may be running on outdated beliefs that anything less than perfect is a failure. This part of ourselves needs a reminder that practice promises improvement, not perfection.overcome perfectionism

You may be naturally good at many things. You may not even have to try very hard to be good at most things. Practice is something even brilliant artists need to become masters of their craft. Know that anything new requires effort and mistakes.

Really take a few moments to sit with this thought – without doing or achieving anything, you are worthy of love, respect, kindness, and patience. Give those things to yourself and the grip of perfectionism will loosen.

4. Mistakes Can Be How Progress is Made

There’s no avoiding making mistakes. Instead of trying to subvert the inevitable, work like a scientist.

Scientists don’t set out to prove themselves right, that would lead to uninformed conclusions. They create a hypothesis and try to prove it wrong. This is how discoveries are made.

We experiment and improve by figuring out where we went wrong and observing what worked. Make mistakes and you’re making progress!

5. Overcome Perfectionism by Creating Community

Interrupt the cognitive dissonance of unrealistic standards by enlisting outside reviewers you can trust at every stage of the writing process.

Have a couple of writer friends look at an early draft. Get a fellow blogger, author or freelancer to check out your midpoint work. When it’s in the final stages, have a mentor or senior writer give their input.

This won’t be necessary for every piece of work you do, but it can certainly help move your greater works along the pipeline and give you valuable skills and connections too.

For more details on this step, check out Kerry Ann Rockquemore’s invaluable advice on writing and procrastination here.

6. Know your writing process and set realistic expectations. Avoid procrastination.

[x_pullquote cite=”Kerry Ann Rockquemore ” type=”left”]For most writers this involves a process of initial drafting, editing, sharing, discussing, revising, presenting, more revising, and submitting. If you can get clear about what your actual process looks like … then you can start to have realistic expectations about each stage of the process and your timelines for finishing manuscripts.[/x_pullquote]

Structure and self- awareness will free your mind from unrealistic expectations and help you have a better relationship with time. We often overestimate how much we can get done in the time we have available. This can cause stress, procrastination, and burnout.

Give yourself more time than you need for projects and become mindful of how much time each step of your writing process requires.

7. Create a mind-map

Maybe you’re like me, and you’re a visual-thinker. Create a mind map to visualize all that’s involved in your topic. Plot out the main idea and branch off into questions, answers, problems, and related ideas.

If you’re feeling blocked, this could be just the thing to get those wheels turning again. You could even include the visual in your published post or article.

8. Freewrite first

Do you find it easy to write inspired Facebook comments or insightful journal entries, but when you go to write a blog post or academic paper you freeze? Capture that feeling of spontaneous flow anytime using the freewrite method.

Don’t censor your words or think about the purpose of your writing. Let anything and everything flow from you. This intuitive rhythm of writing will undoubtedly produce something you can incorporate or massage into a rough draft.

Overthinking and imposing unnecessary structure on your creative mind can halt the process of developing ideas. Let go and free those words.

Learn more about free-writing here.

9. Create a recipe for focus

Use a timer or word count motivation to put some fun and excitement into drafting written works. Let music trigger your creative process. Set up a recipe for success and do it every time you sit down to write. D. Allision Lee wrote an excellent blog post about staying focused while writing here.

When I hit play on my Vaporwave playlist, that first song immediately gets me into a writing groove. If you write regularly and pair it with a set of habits, like playing a particular playlist, you’re tapping into the power of your adaptive unconscious. Focus can become second nature when it’s a learned practice.

10. Don’t edit until you have distance from your writing

Han Solo in Carbonite by William Warby

Don’t read your writing until the next day, the next week, or at least a few hours later. Distance = objectivity.

I tend to write a sentence and immediately read it over, obsessing over each word, immersing myself in the piece so inextricably I feel as though I’m Han Solo in carbonite.

For the love of muffins, do not take that route if you want to overcome perfectionism.

[x_blockquote cite=”Anne Lamott, Bird by Bird” type=”left”]Of course there will always be more you can do, but you have to remind yourself that perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor.[/x_blockquote]

11. Soothe Your Nervous System

If you’re really stuck – your body may be the answer.

I’ll wager while you’re in the grip of an episode of self-critical brain freeze your body is also feeling tense. You might be holding your breath and sitting for hours with your shoulders up to your ears.

Those deeply embedded fears of not being good enough are stored in your body as sensory memories. To change your response mentally, try responding to emotions in a new way physically.

Practice breathwork, meditation, and somatic experiencing. Make these beautiful practices part of your every day, and you may notice a new you forming.

12. Change creative mediums

Take a break from writing and make a collage, draw the tree outside your window, do a little karaoke or have a dance party. Any creative activity can get your writing juices flowing.

Try switching from typing at your computer to handwriting. When done writing, edit in a new location. Anything that forces the brain to switch gears can dig you out of a snowbank of perfectionism or writer’s block.

[x_blockquote cite=”Marsha Sinetar, Ordinary People as Monks and Mystics” type=”left”]By relaxing our grip on the inordinate need for perfection we create a better emotional atmosphere to experience actualization.[/x_blockquote]

Overcoming perfectionism and developing creative flow is a journey that requires patience, practice, time, and often silence.

In this silence, we go inside ourselves and learn the skills of self-trust and self-acceptance. We integrate our strengths and weaknesses into a realistic concept of our whole self. This is the core of how to overcome perfectionism.

overcome perfectionism

Let me know in the comments what your favorite tips from the post were and if you have anything you’d like to add.

 

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Heal Your Inner Critic with the Internal Family Systems Model

Heal Your Inner Critic with the Internal Family Systems Model

You’re sitting down to write and that darn critic inside your head starts with the same old attacks and insults. The inner critic knows exactly what’s needed to trigger your tender inner child’s worst fears of not being good enough, smart enough, or of being too much.

While this interaction takes place entirely in your head, it can leave you feeling drained, alone, worthless, and paralyzed in creative endeavors.   

inner critic

The cycle of the inner critic has me wanting a cookie and a little wine.

There’s another part of you that tries to calm the inner child and quiet the pain with coping mechanisms learned long ago. This is when addictions and unhealthy choices may come into play further fueling the critic’s attacks and continuing this injurious cycle. These patterns will repeat until you change how you relate to your injured parts.

Lasting change to internal dialogue happens by becoming a loving, wise leader and healer of these inner parts of yourself. Reparent yourself and update those old survival techniques by accessing inner wisdom and compassion.

What is the IFS Model?

The Internal Family Systems Model (IFS), developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz, is a gentle and productive way to unite and heal aspects of the mind by developing self-leadership and changing learned behaviors and perspectives. Using this model can help you develop self-compassion for all aspects of yourself, even the parts that feel critical and controlling.

The basics of this model of healing assert that it is natural for the mind to be divided into parts, all of these parts have good intentions and have taken on roles they weren’t ready for at an early age, and we all have a Self that naturally knows how to heal and lead all of our parts skillfully.

“A person who is leading with the Self is easy to identify. Others describe such a person as open, confident, accepting — as having presence. They feel immediately at ease in a Self-led person’s company, as they sense that it is safe to relax and release their own Selves.” Dr. Richard Schwartz, PhD

To integrate these parts and create a harmonious internal environment, we must be able to recognize the guidance of our higher Self and allow it to be the leader.

As a good leader, this Self values the skills and contributions of all parts and sees their worth even in tough times. This compassionate acknowledgment provides the safe space each inner aspect of ourselves needs to feel connected and creative. All of our parts will feel represented and acknowledged and be able to contribute their skills and talents without going to extremes or being aggressive.

Let’s take a look at how to work with your inner critic and perfectionistic tendencies using the IFS Model. We’ll try to tap into that Self that knows mistakes are beautiful too.

How do I get that inner critic to stop calling me names?

Confronting your critic harshly will not work. These parts of you are like parts of a family. They are all your inner children who have been forced to take on roles beyond their abilities. Compassion is necessary to get these parts functioning at their best.

To re-parent yourself and develop a healthy inner world you must hear the stories of your inner children and gently release them from the past where they had to protect your more vulnerable parts from real threats. To heal is to integrate all of these parts, understand their purpose and their mission, and create space for them to feel safe and cared for.

To do this, you must focus on one aspect of your inner world at a time, and ask any extreme voices to step back and allow you to talk only with the inner critic, for example.

You want to get to know the critic, their mission and their worries. Asking parts that have judgments against the critic to step back, can make accessing the true Self easier. This creates an entirely new emotional space where you invite the curious, compassionate, and calm Self instead of feelings of confusion, ambivalence, and frustration from other inner parts.

For examples of this “stepping back” process, you can learn more about the IFS Model at The Center for Self Leadership.

Are you excited to try this process, but don’t know where to start?

Healing Journal Prompts

Click here to download the prompts.

I’ve created a series of journal prompts to help you use the Internal Family Systems Model to heal your inner critic. Click the image below to download immediately.

How do I become a compassionate leader to my inner aspects?

Inside of all of us, we have access to our higher Self. It’s the container for all of our parts, the trolley that takes us to our destination. This Self is a compassionate leader and knows how to heal intuitively.

Many spiritual practices have a name for this Self. It is the soul, Atman, Buddha-nature, Advaita Vedanta. It is pure awareness.

When we relax our thinking, judging mind and create a healing space inside, we access this connected, loving Self. Allow this Self to be your guide inside and out and you will operate from a place of intuitive knowing and relating. 

What are the 8 Cs of Self-Leadership? 
internal family systems model

Please do not remove my watermark or use this image without permission from Heather Birt.

Have you ever been in the presence of someone who felt rooted like a tree and exuded such a secure sense of themselves it calmed your nerves immediately? It’s likely this person embodied the 8 Cs of Self-Leadership seen in the graphic here.

Learning to accept all of our parts and to relate to ourselves with unconditional love and compassion eases the anxiety that often keeps us from being present. Releasing anxiety as a way of being creates a vast space for these eight qualities to express themselves.

Being calm allows us to be curious and connected. Feeling confident brings clarity and courage. Compassion paves the path for creativity to flourish. Using the IFS model regularly can help ease your critical inner voice and create an environment conducive to embodying these qualities.

It’s easy to continue on with the internal dialogue we’re used to, but that means the same results continue too. Relating to ourselves compassionately must be an intentional process. This is why the Internal Family Systems Model is genius. It provides a framework to have an internal therapy session or just an honest and supportive familial conversation with the hurting and burdened parts of ourselves.

Every aspect of your inner world deserves love and compassion. The inner critic has dedicated their life to protecting your most wounded parts. Respect and appreciation for this once necessary function creates an environment where peace can grow. With a little love and tenderness, maybe that critic will become your champion.

Many thanks to Thomas Hübl and the Collective Trauma Summit 2019 for featuring the conversation with Dr. Richard Schwartz, Ph.D. and Terry Patten on using the IFS Model for personal healing. This post was inspired by that transformative exercise. 

Let Go of Control: A Brief Visual Meditation

Let Go of Control: A Brief Visual Meditation

Life is a practice in letting go.

To immerse ourselves in the present moment, we must let go of control, and let go of stories that no longer hold true.

When we practice letting go without resistance, we allow ourselves to flow with life.

Letting go includes welcoming something new, or something changed.

I made this meditation the morning after I decided to let go of a few things in my business in favor of listening to my intuition, my heart’s calling.

As I observed the smoke leaving its place of origin and becoming its own work of art, I let go of control.

Each day, I remind myself to surrender to my experience. I will allow myself to be guided by the voice inside me that connects us all.