Trauma can make our need to be seen and heard feel desperate at times. It can also make our most destructive patterns, the ones that keep us from seeing our own innate wholeness, totally invisible to us while being obvious to those around us.
When we hold a deep well of grief within because of childhood traumas it affects how we perceive relationships in the present moment. This well can never be filled by what others have to offer us. Our desire to be validated and held must first be tended to by our own higher Self.
We are the one we are looking for to fill this well and until we do so, we will hold great expectations of those around us. We will cling, blame, and feel deeply neglected and rejected until we become conscious of the role we play in projecting our internal world onto others and take responsibility for fulfilling our own needs.
Relationships with others aren’t meant to fill a hole inside of us. We must come to others whole and see their offerings as adding depth and connection to our experience. When we can’t perceive our own wholeness, we often look for others to complete us, to give us what we feel we lack. This is a recipe for disappointment.
No one else can give us what we feel we are missing. They can only share with us what they have. If we are always unconsciously seeking to heal old wounds by recreating old dynamics with new people, we miss out on what is right in front of us and within us.
Becoming conscious means seeing these patterns. It takes time. They reveal themselves as pieces of the puzzle fuze together. Patience and curiosity, letting go and forgiveness are the tools you’ll need in your backpack for this journey.
We are mirrors for one another. As you begin to see your own patterns in others, you begin to know yourself more deeply. Let these awakenings grow inside you. Let them bring you self-compassion and appreciation for how deeply connected we all are.