You’re left exclaiming, “Why don’t people listen to advice?!”
It can be painful watching someone you care for go through hard times, especially when the answers to their problems seem obvious to you. You want to make them take the next steps, or show them their own worth, but they seem to be deaf to your wisdom and care.
Dating Jerks and Spinning Wheels
In my late 20s, I was still knee-deep in inner turmoil. Even with an unusual level self-awareness, I was still blind to many of my most destructive patterns. I’d get a peek at one, only to later realize it was just the tail end of the abusive relationship tapeworm. My friends would all tell me when a partner was a waste of time, but I had this determination to prove to myself I could change them. I could make a destructive, unhealthy relationship into a positive one by being patient, giving and understanding.
Ha! What I didn’t see was that I was actually clinging to situations that reminded me of my home growing up. I knew this was a possiblity. I understood psychology and the fact that we repeat lessons over and over until we finally learn what we need to know. It wasn’t until years later, and several relationships of turmoil more, that I was ready to see. The pieces of the puzzle came together as I slowly but surely made slightly different decisions in my choices of relationships. It was learning what felt good to me, and deepening my self-awareness that finally brought me to a place of letting go of who I thought I was, and what I thought I deserved.
This trial and error, although it brought pain, was the process through which I blossomed into a self-loving and whole person. If I had just listened to what others told me, I would never have developed the skills to choose people who were healthy as my comrades and lovers. If I just did what others said, I wouldn’t have the hard-earned experience that brought me to a deeper understanding of myself and others.
Why Don’t People Listen to Good Advice?
Now, I can spot a woman going through this same experience from a mile away. The only thing you can do for someone in this situation is to encourage them to love themselves. You can’t make decisions for others, and you can’t show them the way. Your way isn’t necessarily their way. We each see what we need to see, and only when we are ready.
Whether you’re trying to save someone from a bad relationship, or show them how to build their own business, many times people need to learn from experience.
Everyone’s path is different. We become who we need to be, and learn skills for the future by making our own decisions. If you listened to the advice everyone has for you, you’d 1. Be very confused and 2. Never learn to do anything for yourself.
What if you were to take a course on how to build an online business. It laid out for you every step to take to build your email list, design and market your products and communicate with clients. Even with all the steps provided, you still don’t have a business yet.
Works of passion don’t always follow numbered lists. Projects that transform who we are, and how we show up in the world, are organic, living creatures. Our businesses grow as we do.
Imagine if you did exactly what you were told by a coach or instructor, without questioning. What would you learn by the end? You’d learn how to follow instructions, not how to build your own business your way.
What if you did this in relationships? Your friends tell you the guy is a jerk, and you break up with him immediately. Sounds great! For better or for worse though, we have deep-seated patterns we play out. If we are to truly become self-aware, we have to break our own patterns – like dating people that aren’t good for us. If we just took our friends advice, we would end up picking basically the same partner in the future.
Advice, instructions, guidance – they are just one part of the learning puzzle. They can inform, but they don’t do the work for us.
You, your heart and mind, are what creates your reality – not a set of detailed steps, or the words of a well-meaning and well-informed coach or friend.
People don’t always listen to advice, even when the advice is good, because life is about making choices. We are given the freedom to choose, and with those choices we grow into our own awareness and abilities.
Next time you think someone should have listened to your advice, think about how much you’ve grown from making your own choices.